Jessica's Tales

I take your arm as we walk

side by side

talking

laughing

You “don’t mind” you say.

I asked.

We end up holding hands,

we sit on a bench,

You’ve put your arm around me so

I move in closer.

Misread signs from both.

We head back

arm in arm

- for safety.

-just because.

“Things are different now,” you say.

You ask questions

smile

laugh then…

“I’m not ready for holding hands.”

“OK.” I say. “I’m sorry.”

I blame myself.

You waited until I went to leaven

Led on

hurt worse.

I call

you do not answer

My message says, “I’m home.”

“I’m sorry.”

It hits me.

“I don’t know IF I’ll see you.”

I missed the “if” before.

I heard “when.”

Call again.

No answer.

We confused us both.

My fault.

“I’m sorry,”

I whisper to the air.

“Forgive me,”

I plead.

No answer.

I cry.

Give up.

You win.

I’m gone.

…Can I come back now?

No touch

No dreams

dreams dashed on rocks.

Unsure why I hoped

I knew,

know better,

but still I trusted

again too fast

too easy

as always.

Once again I’m hurt

My fault.

Like always,

I deserve it.

Again

I’ve proved

just how

little

I am worth.

How easily

I

am hurt

-tossed aside

-un-needed

-unwanted.

Pour out my heart

Too sensitive

Too open

This

Me

You

Us?

Someday?

Never.

NO.